By Nevin

In my time, I have seen many Halloween costumes.  From ghosts to naked priests, to me it has all been done before.  However, what needs to be recognized is where certain people have taken this holiday.  Costumes have evolved.  

First off, lets talk about Kid’s Costumes…

I say bring back the non-breathing cheap costumes where kids would practically die from lack of air and overheating.

Now costumes are horrible.  They are made of “breathable fabrics”, are easily seen by cars and don’t strangle you.  I mean where’s the fun in that?!

Look at this new costume…Is that worth forty of your hard earned dollars? Do it the right way and go to the damn Rag Shop and make your kid an Immigrant for Halloween.

The evolution or devolution of Halloween costumes is pathetic. I remember when my brother was Darth Vader for Halloween, my parents had to get him an actual respirator to walk around with. The costumes we grew up with were cheap because our parents actually put effort into making them.  If you went to school and had a stupid completely store bought costume package like that, you were a loser. Last year, some kid showed up to my house wearing a Batman costume that looked so hideous I told the kid Batman would “bat-a-rang your face if he saw that disgraceful costume your are wearing”.  The kid ran down the stairs crying while I threw candy at him… It was priceless.


The next costume that irritates me are the WHORE COSTUMES…

I am sure we are all aware of how some girls dress up for Halloween.  Ladies, I am a guy so I do not mind the “dressing down,” however there comes a time where enough is enough. In the past couple of years I have been studying this phenomenon and realized that girls love Halloween because they can dress however they want and get away with it.  On Halloween, Cindy dressing up as a Commando and actually going Commando is TOTALLY OK! Lindsey wearing an XXSM Nurse costume with all her cleavage showing is TOTALLY OK! But, god forbids any of these girls dress like that after Halloween, they would be labeled a Smore Slore.

Smore Slore (n)- a whore and a slut combined it creates such a sticky mixture it is considered like a smore) in a second. 

My favorite example of how girls dress in Halloween is the Rainbow Brite outfit.

Here we have a picture of a nice child cartoon with a cute animated girl and a fuzzy hairy grundel looking creature.  Straight to the point, it’s innocent.

Wa-Noooww-Waa-Noww…someone call the boner patrol, because that outfit is NOT FOR CHILDREN! I know what you are saying, “Nevin she’s a grown woman... blah blah blah.” Well then answer this, do you want your wife dressing up like that and going to a Halloween party with all your friends staring at her Little Miss Rainbow Brite costume? I think not and I doubt the actual Little Miss Rainbow Brite dressed like that when she was 30 years old…

Bottom line: think of something interesting that NO ONE HAS DONE BEFORE. A costume that will truly catch attention is one you make yourself.  There are only so many store bought costumes out there and unless you want to be the sixth Ninja Turtle at a party, trying to get the attention the ladies (“Oh he is so funny because he references something from the 80’s.  I’d do him!”) There are actually websites that sell homemade costumes if you’re mentally challenged or can’t glue stuff together. If all else fails then be a Prostitute for Halloween that’s always better than Commando Cindy, atleast you might make some extra money.

Disagree? Comments?