An Exclusie Interview by
Brandon

Me: Thanks for being here Mr. Miyagi!

Miyagi: You are welcome. I was just able to fit you in between my training of whiney LaRussos and alcoholic binges.

Me: You say in 'Karate Kid', " In Okinawa, all Miyagi know two things: fish and karate." Why would a fisherman need to know Karate?

Miyagi: Well as you see in the movies, Japan is a very dangerous place. You never know when a giant alien lizard will start destroying your city or a gang of samurais will kidnap your girlfriend.

Me: Miyagi, you have all those amazing classic cars. So many of which, that you gave one to Daniel-San. Where did you acquire that many cars?

Miyagi: Karate

Me: TOURNAMENTS?!? Daniel-San only won a trophy!

Miyagi: No! Miyagi only fights for his life and honor. I have all those cars as rewards from fighting people who make fun of Miyagi. Such as this one time, when Miyagi was working at Arnold's Fried Chicken Restaurant in Wisconsin, this Arthur Fonzerilli tells Miyagi that Miyagi "is not as cool as the Fonz" and then points at Miyagi with both his greasy fingers and says, "AYYYYYY!" In Miyagi's country this gesture is an extreme insult and Miyagi was forced to Crane Kick Mr. Fonzi. Mr. Fonzi was so embarrassed he gave Miyagi his car.

Me: Here is the question everyone has been waiting for. Can your explain your philosophy about 'Wax on...Wax off"

Miyagi: As you said before Miyagi has a lot of cars and taking care of them can sometimes take like forever. I just tell Daniel-San its an ancient Karate training exercise. That kid is so stupid he doesn't realize there were no cars in ancient Japan! Miyagi hasn't washed his car since!!!

Me: Do you think you could teach me how to beat up blonde haired skeleton suit wearing bullies too?

Miyagi: No.

Me: If you could fight anyone who would it be?

Miyagi: Brad Pitt. I saw his movie and I am sure I could ruin him and his wimpy alter-ego. HAHA! Miyagi ruin movie for people! HAHA

Me: Well I can ruin a movie too. DANIEL-SAN WINS!

Miyagi: ...

Me: Mr. Miyagi stop staring at me like that!

 

Brandon was unable to finish this interview as he is now in the hospital.

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