by Nevin

I remember growing up and going to Six Flags Amusement Park and having a joyous occassion with my favorite Looney Tunes.  The rides, the games, and the drive through zoo were amazing and inexpensive.  But, Now Six Flags has rose the prices and can f you in your wallet for whatever price they want. It is no longer the mighty land of childhood dreams and that is why i have compiled these...


Six Flags Logo

1) The ticket prices are now $60.00 per person and that's without FAST PASS AND GOD KNOWING WE ALL NEED FAST PASS! For those who do not know what "FAT ASS" is, it's a pass for people who are rich pieces of shit who can afford to buy their way to the front of the line on rides, while the poor people look at those rich fat bastards walk their snobby bitch asses past them to the front. Not only does this totally go against all the rules of lines that we were taught in Kindergarten, but I also remember a time when there were two lines, dependent on class... The nineteen fifties! So, now at Six Flags they discriminate against poor people? HOORAY! MORE FUN!.
2) The population has changed.  Ever since KINGDAKA (or however the hell you spell it) was constructed more people have been coming to Six Flags.  I vividly remember waiting on line maybe 20-50 minutes for a ride.  Now, it's 40-220 minutes for a ride.  Sooner or later the lines are going to be a ride! "Hey mommy, when are we going on the ride?".  "We are on the ride! It's the LINE RIDE!". Ok, I see where they get the rides name is "KINGDAKA" because it's this huge rollercoaster, right? Well, here is a little story for everyone. This kid from my school, who is a model, had the opportunity to act in the commercial for KINGDAKA. He spent an entire day riding it, as they shot him and the rest of the car of beautiful people and for the next two days he had a concussion.

So, here is a picture of your brain before the ride:
Your Brain

And here is after:
Your Brain

3) The food prices are rediculous.  You can buy a slice of pizza and a soda for 7.00 at Six Flags or roughly adopt 700 starving three-world children from the television commercials.

4) The Animal Kingdom used to be included in your ticket price.  Recently, Six Flags has added an additional price for the Drive-Thru Zoo. So, now I will have to pay an extra price to execute my Baboon Liberation (more details are coming).

5) Those characters freak me out. I have personally found out a lot about those masked characters. I recall when I was younger wandering Six Flags with a huge bitching lollipop in my mouth, which I bought at the candy store. I turned a corner and saw Slyvestor feeling up Tweety. At first, I just ignored them, but then I realized, "Hey WTF TWEETY IS SCREWING SLYVESTER?". Not only did that experience cause me to question whether the world of cartoons does exist, but gave me a very mixed up view of the Birds and the Bees.

6) All of your money spent at Six Flags goes to the rich bastards who have rich relatives.  The rich relatives then go to Six Flags and buy Fast Pass and continuously rape you while you wait on a four hour line.

So, next time you say to your friends or family "Let's go to Six Flags!" take a good long look at your $200-300.00 because their are better things to do with money.  Such as, donate it to moderndaypirates or burn it and inhale it's fumes until you die and can never waste your money at Six Flags again.