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The Final Battle
By Brandon

There have been many never ending battles throughout history. Yankees and Red Sox, Democrats and Republicans, Coke and Pepsi, Saved by the Bell Original Cast and Saved by the Bell The New Class, etc... but the battle to end all battles, fought for centuries, shedding the blood of many a nerd...
George Lucas’s 'STAR WARS' vs Gene Rodenberry’s 'STAR TREK'

This is a comparison based in the REAL world. I will not argue with anyone about the science and technicalities between the two. The only science I ever learned from movies is that a Flux Capacitor moving at the speed of 88 miles per hour sends one through time and one can build an interstellar telephone with nothing but a record player, a saw, and a Mr. Spell. With that out of the way, lets continue.

First off, lets talk about the fans. If you tell a stranger you are a 'STAR WARS' fan, they will nine times out of ten say, "cool". 'STAR WARS' is widely excepted as a science fiction movie most people can enjoy. If you tell a stranger you are a 'STAR TREK' fan, they will immediately have this mental image.


'STAR TREK' fans can not escape this stereotype, because it is true. Sorry, but it is. If you think i am wrong or are offended, look around you. I guarantee you are sitting in your mother's house wearing a shirt with a witty saying on it like "I'm with Stupid", but since you are alone these words default to you being the said stupid one.

Next, lets compare the 'Stars' in the titles. 'STAR WARS' takes place, as everyone and their grandmother knows, 'a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.' Its story revolves around revolutions against the galaxy's corrupt government. The main character is a good man turned evil, who is so scarred he becomes half robot and is eventually murdered by his long lost son. Shakespeare couldn't come up with a plot line that intense. 'STAR TREK' on the other hand takes place about a hundred years in the future, when a utopian earth sends ships to explore the galaxy and blah de blah. The story goes on forever. No central characters or themes. If 'STAR WARS' is like Hamlet, 'STAR TREK' is like 90210.

The Ewok Movie

To own the complete 'STAR WARS' saga, including the immortal Ewok Adventures, Clone Wars animated show, and assuming Episode 3 on dvd will cost the same as the rest of the films, will set you back $121.94. Not bad for the greatest science fiction mythology ever made. 'STAR TREK' must have no feelings for their fans, as it will cost $2723.85 to own every film and tv show on DVD. One would have to take out a second mortage on their home to own the entire rambling 'STAR TREK' story. One could easily find a better use for this much money, like purchasing a Segway or buying the entire 'STAR WARS' saga for 22 friends.

Like any warm blooded american male, I love weapons. In 'STAR TREK', they give the viewers the standard lasers that can be found in every science fiction movie. Boring. 'STAR WARS' breaks the mold with a SWORD made of LASERS, The Light saber.

In the line of enemies, it is really easy to compare 'STAR WARS' and 'STAR TREK' as I have shown in the diagram below:

Star Wars ProVaderDarth Vader

Star Trek ConKahn Kahn

In the 'STAR TREK' world, the most successful person is easily William Shatner. William Shatner played Captain James T. Kirk, the most popular of all the captains. He used this role as a way to sling him into greater things, like the cop show 'T.J. Hooker', 'Ms. Congeniality' and commercial spokesperson for Priceline. The highlights of his career were no-other than the 'STAR TREK' movies. Shatner also went on to have a hit music recording career. 'STAR WARS' on the other hand, brought the world Captain Han Solo, Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford has gone to star in such films as 'The Indiana Jones' Trilogy, 'Patriot Games', 'The Fugitive', and 'Air Force One' just to name a few. He is even oscar nominated. The character of Han Solo beats Captain Kirk easily. Han Solo is a Space Cowboy, while Kirk is like a Space Sailer. You know what they say about Space Sailers? Kirk had a girl on every planet. Extraterrestrial venereal diseases have to be espiecally itchy.

La Forge

In 'STAR WARS', George Lucas created a powerful energy that flows through the entire galaxy called The Force. A person fluent in the powers of The Force, called a Jedi could use this power to see into the future, shoot lightning bolts from your hands, and just kick sith ass. In 'STAR TREK' the closet thing I could find as an investigatory journalist was La Forge, Geordi La Forge. La Forge was the blind guy from Star Trek: Next Generation. He could only see through a special visor that look a lot like those sunglasses that were all the rage in the 80s. He didn’t really do much, except provide the token black guy that every science fiction story needs and yes he was played by the Reading Rainbow guy.

Here is the one everyone was waiting for. The Enterprise verses the Death Star. I will simply use this diagram.

Enterprise PWNED