Compiled & Written by The Modern Day Pirates

Before anyone one of us sang along to our favorite Justin Timberlake or Yanni song, we knew every single word to 'The Flintstones' theme... Here is the definitive list of the greatest, most rocking children's show themes. Most of them are from the late 80's, because that is when we were kids and let's be serious, Saturday mornings were so much cooler back when they were filled with gentically altered turtles and men who made a living off Busting Heads (in a spirtual sense, of course).

20. Doug

Doug was the first emo cartoon character. He wore a sweater vest, was very emotional, wrote songs about a girl he could never have on his banjo, and was beat up by bullies for being a nerd. His theme song was memorable at best, but an acapella sensation. I guess Doug could not afford a backup band or The Beats were unavailable at the time. Chicka-chickaaaaaa.

19. G.I. Joe: American Hero

GO JOE!

18. Disney's Tale Spin

You just want to get up and dance around a fire after this song...

"Spin it, let's begin it, bear and grin it when you're in it
You can win it in a minute when you spin it, spin it, spin it!
Talespin it, tale spin!"

That right there is all the lyrics. It was only when we looked at the lyrics did we realize that the creative team must have had no idea how to write a theme-song for a Bear who makes deliveries in an airplane, while being chased by a Pirate Fox. (extra points for the flying pirate foxes)

17. Smurfs

So Happy! The only reason Gargamel never killed them was he loved the theme song. Could use more female smurfettes though... Gotta love that smurfette. She was the only smurf in that whole village and we will leave it at that.

16. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

The most badass themesong ever! After you heard this song you just wanted to airkick people in the face. With an intense guitar lead and a chorus of studio singers screaming "Go Go Power Rangers!" I was so pumped up that I sent over 30 kids to the hospital in 2nd grade. The show really lost it after the first movie, but that is just the true purest fan in me.

15. David The Gnome

A meaningful and deep theme song. Made you listen to Phish, not shower, and recycle more than any person should. Obviously written some hippies. I was so obsessed with this show as a child, I used to talk to the garden gnomes in my neighbors yard. I guess that is why i was sent to that special school.

14. Seseme Street

A battle cry for inner-city childern. I too grew up in a trashcan.

13. Duck Tales

"When it seems they're headed for the final curtain
Bold deduction never fails, that's for certain
The worst of messes become successes!"

After Linkin Park was sued by the makers of Duck Tales for ripping off their lyrics he had to resort to searching through 13 year old girls' livejournals for new material.

12. Rescue Rangers

You put this song on the radio and you will make millions. It is actually good. It was also the most bipolar song on our countdown because it went from a song so sad and intense it would only be suitable for a cartoon theme song and funerals to even more upbeat then running around in a field of flowers...a field of flowers covered in balloons and marshmallows.

11. Eureka's Castle

Quote: "Eureka's Castle".

That is the entire song, short and sweet. It was actually supposed to be a 12 minute epic but they used all the money on promoting the episode where Batty got underwear for his birthday.

10. Muppet Babies

"Kermit: I like adventure
Piggy: I like romance
Fozzie: I love great jokes.
Animal: Animal dance!!
Scooter: I've got my computer
Skeeter: I swing through the air
Rowlf: I play the piano
Gonzo: And I have blue hair
Bunsen: Me, I invent things
Beaker: Mee mee mee meee!"


Score=
Jim Henson:
1
John Lennon:
0

Where the hell are these kids parents? But even more, what kind of freaks had those kind of children? They claim they make your dreams come true and I watched that show everyday, but why was my dog run over by a car???? That wasn't one of my dreams.

9. Fraggle Rock

"Dance your cares away,
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock."

And then dance your way into the unemployment line, wondering who your baby's daddy is, you slacker!

8. Inspector Gadget

Kids everywhere wondered what would happen if he said "Go Go Gadget Penis"

7. Super Mario Super Show

"Swing your arms from side to side. Come on its time to go do the Mario!"

Only kids show song to feature its own dance, not surprising from Japanese writing for Italian characters. Who ever knew there were lyrics to the mario theme song mean anyway? And by the way what did they mean by "Do the Mario"? I WAS JUST A LITTLE BOY!

6. Alvin and the Chipmunks

Perfect for kids whose testicles haven't dropped yet. Gotta wonder about a grown single man who is the legal guardian of three chipmunk children...three sexy chipmunk children.

5. Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego?

THE WARRANT! Rockapella's words made many a child call 911 to report the neighbor in the funny hat. The only children's song ever written by a REAL band with REAL talent and featuring the deepest voice from any white man. Might I add that the final round was near impossible and remember maybe three kids ever winninng. The rest were sent home with the normal Carmen Sandiego Home Game or Shwin Mountain bikes.

4. Pee Wee's Playhouse

This pot induced, sex-filled ecstacy trip of a theme song, predisposed children to substance abuse and self exposure in public places. I too wish every single thing in my house talked to me. This theme is like musical crack. The secret word of the day is "I burnt down my house". Greatest children's show ever made.

3. The Elephant Show

Skinnamarinkydinkydink...Any man who can make a tuba from his washer machine should be elected president...period. The people in the elephant suits set kids up to become Furries early on.

"I love you in the evening and in the afternoon.
I love you in the evening,
and underneath the moon"

(and in my bedroom with whipped cream)

2. Captain Planet

Brainwashing children to recycle...those evil bastards! The most liberal kids' TV show ever, five people from various genders and races, one monkey, and a green mullet. Not the mention that all the bad guys were rich mutated Industrialists. The lyrics also contain the word "plunder" and as pirates we have to give props to anyone who uses the word plunder.

In fifteen years, we still can't solve our pollution problems...Do I smell a sequel?

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

From a pure rock standpoint, this theme kicks more shell then David Lee Roth and Ozzy Osbourne combined. What the hell are "heroes in the half shell" anyway?

Turtles + Ooze + Angry Asian Man = Brilliance you thought only the Japanese could devise.

Disagree? Comments?
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