Mr. Spade’s Attorneys can contact Justin.
Recently there have been some commercials for some telephone company. I don’t remember the company so I guess that’s pretty shitty advertising. Anyway their spokes”person” (not really a person, more like a 3-inch penis with a dumbass attached) is David Spade. This is the same guy who thinks he’s cool because he’s sarcastic. I decided to rip him off by being sarcastic myself when I say, “David Spade is not a complete joke”.
First of all the only way that we remember who David Spade is because he tagged along with Chris Farley for a few movies. Chris Farley was cool enough to allow me to stand David Spade for a 2-hour period. Now if I see Spade for more then 2 seconds I go into a psychotic rage and start killing everything…including bunnies. After Farley died off which wasn’t an accident, he knew that if he was alive that David Spade would still be mooching off him and thus keeping in the public eye. Anyway after Farley was gone David Spade’s carry died with it. Classics such as “Dickey Roberts”, “Joe Dirt” and “David Spade is a little asshole who thinks that he’s hot shit but in reality he’s cold diarrhea” has stolen approximately $15.89 in sales, mostly from David Spade seeing each movie only once on bootleg copies. Anyway I called him up this week (from a payphone in L.A.) and we had a nice interview, here’s how it went:
Me: So David, how’s it going?
Spade: Well god, it’s not going to well at all. I spent all my money
from giving handjobs to old men on child pornography and well…let’s just say it’s all used up.
Me: That’s too bad, but then again it’s good when bad things happen to
people who suck.
Spade: I must admit I do suck a lot, especially when my hands are
chafing too much from all those handjobs.
Me: So, next question, how did you get so shitty at life?
Spade: Well it started out when my mother saw what a crappy baby I
was. She tried to smother me and that cut off all air to my pituitary gland, rendering me 4 feet tall.
Me: That explains your shortness, not your shittiness.
Spade: Well, I guess I’m so shitty I couldn’t even give the right answer.
Me: Dam, now that’s what I call shitty.
Anyway the interview went on like that for the next 5 minutes until the operator asked Spade to insert another 25 cents and he went to the bank to get the money but they just laughed in his face and cut off his shins, making him another foot shorter. I then flew out to L.A. and beat Spade senseless with his own limbs that I tore out of him. Overall it was a good experience for me because beating people who deserve to get beaten senseless is good for the world. I’m pretty sure I killed Spade but if I see him again then I’ll have an update, but it won’t be a major update because David Spade will always be shitty.
