What Happened?: Led Zeppelin

plant.jpgLed Zeppelin, considered by many one of the greatest rock bands ever. They had everything a great rock band should have. A charismatic singer, the badass lead guitar player, the bass player who was a great all around musician and a fat drummer who was...well really good at drums. What Happened?They represented a revolution, the transition of the 60's into the 70's. The 60's were terrible because of all the damn hippies, god dam I hate hippies so much. Anyway a lot of those trendy bitchass hippies probably started to listen to Zeppelin because they saw how stupid they were and started to jump on the bandwagon of people who didn't have their ears in their asses.

Anyway as all great rock bands do Zeppelin broke up, nobody wants to see a sixty year old Robert Plant screeching "baby, baby, baby, baby, baby". So with the legend of Led Zeppelin in the past they all went their separate ways workingon solo material.

Then one day I hear one of my favorite songs "Rock and Roll" on the TV. When I look up at the screen I see a bunch of shitty shitty cars flying across the screen. Why it's a commercial for that overpriced car manufacturer Cadillac. I don't know if Jimmy Page spent too much money on hookers and booze and had to license out a great song to a crappy commercial.

Cadillacs in the first place piss me off. The cars look like they're from the near future. When I get a car it better look like it's from 1988, now or the DISTANT future. A perfect example is the Delorean, that car is badass and I bet if you hit Superman with it, he'd probably go back in time and have sex with his mother. Then you have the outrageous prices they ask. The cheapest Cadillac is around $30,000 no options. Hell you could buy a whole bunch of Kias.

With that many Kia's you could definitely fuse them together and create a giant robot that could battle other giant robots like in Power Rangers. I think there are enough color options to have a car for each ranger. And with all the money you save you and your friends could hire some people to play those puddy things and have mock battle scenes where you kick them in the chest.

Another thing about Cadillac is the Escalade. If you don't know what the Escalade is it is their version of a giant turd on wheels. Costing a measly $56,000 for the basic model it can only do two things. It can attack hot girls and it can block me from seeing anything on the road. This is bad because I like to see the road as I drive and I like to see hot girls...alive.

My point is that you should boycott Cadillac. They're nothing but money hungry hippies who are trying to steal your money. If they don't get any sales then they won't be able to afford to get licenses for songs. Also that money would go to Kia which would use that money to put a copy of the Power Rangers theme song as standard in each car.


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