Mac and Me: The Movie that Ruined my Life

macthumb.jpgThere are certain movies that I believe helped make us who we are today. Most of you reading this grew up in a great time for movies, the 80's. Classics like The Neverending Story, Indiana Jones, Labyrinth, ET are so burnt into our subconscious that there is no doubt in my mind that they influence us in ways we don't even know. Unfortunately for me along with those classics, early in my developmental life I was exposed to a movie so bad that it haunted my nightmares for a solid ten years, building deep phobias and terrors. That movie, Mac and Me. THE MOVIE Never heard of it? I envy you. Mac and Me was made in 1988 and made no money in the box office and was rented by next to no one, no one but me. I don't remember how, but I can guess why. At that point in my life, ET was my favorite film. My parents would take me to the video store and let me rent any video I wanted. Just from the cover, you can discern that the movie is a rip-off of the ET formula, an alien comes to earth and is befriended by a child. To my little child eyes, it must have been irresistible.

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The plot of the movie goes even further into ripping off the Spielberg classic. Mac is a little alien who accidentally ends up on earth and separated from his family. He finds a young boy, Eric (Elliot is the kid from ET) who is an outcast and soon follows him into his house and surprises him. The two then spend the rest of the movie causing trouble with the alien's special powers and trying to contact Mac's family while being chased by government men. That is really the plot, not making this up. The makers of this film actually got away with this.

 

Its a horrible movie, but that is not what destroyed my humanity.

 

THE CHILD First, lets talk about Eric. Eric is virtually identical to Elliot in EVERYWAY but one. He is an outcast from the other kids in the neighborhood, has a cool older brother and his mother is single, but he is in a wheelchair. I can just see the meeting where the kings of film-making that created Mac and Me decided that one.

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Mind you I think it is wonderful that they tried to break new ground and expand children's horizon's about those with a disability, but that would only be true if they made Eric totally capable in every way and didn't even mention the wheelchair. Instead, they mention the wheelchair at almost every opportunity and in the lines of making Eric totally capable you must view the most messed up scene in film history I dare not put it on my website, but the daring can click here to view. In it Eric helplessly rolls down a mountain in his wheelchair into a river. That is just plain scary and my young self did not know how to process this. The kid fell over fifty feet into water, that would have been like hitting a brick wall! It would take me years and years to realize that just because someone has a disability, they can still do everything anyone else can. I think it was Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump that taught me this. Movies giveth and taketh away. THE GOVERNMENT To this day, I have a hard time trusting the government. Sure in ET, the government steals ET from Elliot and chases them, but at the end they let ET and Elliot go. In Mac and Me, the same suited men in sunglasses chase the two heroes incessantly, but unlike the happy ending of ET, the Government men do not stop. Eric and his family has to flee their home into the desert.
THE ALIENS
There is a figure, a figure that has appeared in almost every nightmare I have ever had. Ladies and Gentlemen here is that figure....

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Someone tried to make that thing look as lovable as possible. And failed. It looks like Calista Flokhart and a shaved spider monkey ended up in a horrible gene splicer accident. Let's look at some truly beloved aliens from the 80's.

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These things were the total opposite. The movie starts with Mac and his family on their home planet and unlike ET's colorful spaceship of wonder, this planet is a desolate wasteland. They come across an earth space probe, which sucks them into it. That is right, these creatures must have had no internal skeleton, as a number of times in the film they are sucked into tubes in a mind-numbingly disturbing way. For a small child vacuums are scary enough as it is just from the loud sound, now add to that the fear of being sucked into them. Within the first five minutes of the movie, Mac and his family have escaped out of the space probe at NASA headquarters, maiming every scientist in their wake of destruction they blow a hole in a wall and flee. This is how the creatures we the viewers are supposed to feel for are introduced. macandme.jpgWhile, ET soons learns to speak english and it is out right adorable, Mac's mouth is stuck in an "O-Face" and therefore he can only communicate in whistles. I guess the writer thought this would be cute. Instead this speech-problem makes it impossible to communicate any of the creatures feelings except for closing the glassy emotionless eyes the puppet featured. Finally, Mac has some of the special powers that made ET so enchanting and lovable. And by some, I only mean one. Once again I remind you that these creatures must not have had any kind of bone-structure, as Mac can stretch his long emaciated arms to reach out and grab things. Please tell me one thing that is more terrifying than that blank faced shriveled alien reaching ten feet across the room to drag you into the vacuum tube and devour your soul. That's right there is nothing, and I have lived that very turn of events over and over in my nightmares since I was four. THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT Only recently while researching for this article did I learn something very ominous about Mac and Me. Something down right evil. Mac and Me was made in partnership with McDonalds. They were so involved with this movie that their products pop up all over the place and Ronald McDonald in all his glory is in the cast. At one point in the movie, the heros visit the fast-food restaurant for one of the McBirthday parties that the chain started in the 80's to help get kids addicted. While there, a dance number breaks out spontaneously and totally unexplained. Thats right kids, not only is McDonalds food the food of choice of intergalactic travelers, but going there is so remarkably exciting but people break out into dance uncontrollably. watch only if you no longer care for the world. Once again I will not post such a clip on my website. So click here to view if you dare. The 80's is when McDonalds firmly established its empire and myself and my peers were their puppets. We were happy mealed into submission and I fell into the same child fatness that everyone else did and I am sure Mac and Me had a part in it. How could a small four year old resist a parachute pants filled dance number?Oh and did you make the connection of the alien being called MAC and me... Even just seeing the movie poster plants a seed of McDonalds into the viewer. That is pure evil. MY LIFE So there you have it. I only saw this movie once, when I was four yet I remember every detail of it vividly. I don't remember Kindergarten almost at all, but I remember Mac and Me like a Vietnam Vet remembers "the shit". I can only imagine what kind of person I would have become if I never saw Mac and Me, I could very well be a Yankee right now or an astronaut. From a young age I loved both baseball and space, but Mac and Me helped make me a fat, uncertain, space-phobic, sleep deprived child. I am still recovering. Thank you Mac and Me for ruining my life.

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25 Responses to “Mac and Me: The Movie that Ruined my Life”

  1. Justin August 10, 2007 at 10:37 am #

    personally i love this film and enjoy it more than ET it never fails to make me cry.

  2. Tom August 10, 2007 at 1:05 pm #

    well done brando. best writing and research yet

  3. nicole August 11, 2007 at 9:39 pm #

    personally, i think that dance scene may be the best scene in movie history that ive seen or the best marketing ploy? i feel the need to go to mikey d’s right now and hope an impromptu dance breaks out for me while ordering my fries…

  4. Review the World August 11, 2007 at 10:01 pm #

    I just watched that wheelchair video, and now I too am scarred for life — how can I ever look at cliffs, rivers, and chubby children the same?

  5. Mac December 22, 2008 at 2:25 am #

    Yo… i’m sorry but i have to say it. Your just a sissy, if you got traumatized with this FUNNY AS HELL movie then your dumb. This movie is WAY better than ET aswell LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, so pls, do the world a favor and get off the internet which most likely, ruined your life aswell. You have issues, and last

    suck me biotch :D

    Have a nice day sir.

    • Melanie Nadeau August 20, 2014 at 3:23 pm #

      yes this movie is very funny and sad allat the same time I love this movie its one of my favorite and I dont know how people can say that it ruined there lifes what the fuck really

    • jejehejeheheheh January 15, 2017 at 1:58 am #

      hello et clone

  6. Rebecca September 3, 2009 at 4:32 pm #

    I watched this movie at like the age of 8 or 9 and it is not a movie that will give you nightmares. What the h%## are you talking about that it traumatized you- are you crazy?

  7. jackal September 20, 2009 at 1:07 am #

    whaaaaaa anyone dumb enough to ruin your life from watching a movie should go kill themself,and do the rest of the world a favor,sissys like this blame everyone for theyre miserable life lol.Gee i think ill sue GI JOE for making me watch it instead of going out and playing baseball,now im not a hall of famer,lol what a crock of shit.

  8. Leanne March 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    I loved mac and me will never forget that film good childhood memory. Although reading what you wrote did make me laugh

  9. Kim June 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm #

    I have a love/hate relationship with mac and me. I grew up watching it over and over again, because I loved it. However, the father of Mac really gets to me…especially in the desert scene. There is this immense fear that comes over me. It is really strange. Also, I remember when I was six, I manifested the image of an alien (in my mind) outside my bedroom door like the movie and it took me over a year to watch the movie again.

  10. Karim June 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Hell, I Loved Mac and Me, as a child I thought it was adorabe…..It never freaked me out. Well until now, reading this article reminded me how truly creepy this movie was, even though I never realized it. That dad alien did move kinda freaky, like some googly eyed zombie pimp, “B*tch better have my MONEY!!!”, and that wheelchair scene is like a scene from an old SNL skit…HILARIOUS!!!!!!! All they had to do is add the wheelchair exploding as it hit the water, to make it look even more phony, um, I mean funny. The truly funny thing is I was just about to watch it on Netflix, so I decided to Google it first and ran across this article. Yeah this movie is definitely not something to show the kids, The Harry Potter in IMAX 3D generation just couldn’t handle, the beauty of the special effects of the 1970’s and the 1980’s. Especially if the special effects were sub par like in this film.

  11. Sarah July 29, 2012 at 9:56 am #

    I just finished watching this with my 4 year old. I have a metallic taste in my mouth and feel dizzy from the sheer… awfulness… of it. I hope my son isn’t scarred the same way you were. I want him to live up to his potential, to be whatever he wants to be and I fear he may have just given up those dreams. A truly stinking pile…

  12. Margie October 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    I’m glad I’m not alone! To this day the sight of those wrinkly, o-faced aliens still makes me shudder…

  13. Evan May 7, 2013 at 10:20 pm #

    I actually never saw Mac and Me growing up. However, I did see ET at age 4 (in the theater) and it scared the shit out of me and gave me night terrors until I was 8! So, go figure. Damn you Spielberg!

  14. Phil February 8, 2014 at 6:36 am #

    Man, this review could have come from my own mouth, this fucking thing haunted me for years. I was already terrified of E.T. and had nightmares of him and the aliens from Mac and Me teaming up. They moved in stopframe and an eerie high pitched whistle/noise would sound just before their appearance. My heart used to start beating fast and then I’d realise I wasnt just hearing my heart, but loud thudding on the stairs as something approached my room. Its probably worth mentioning I suffer from sleep paralysis and hypnogogia, which meant not only were these things in my nightmares they were also almost certainly coming for me when I woke up. What I want to know is, if I was so terrified of E.T. why the hell did my parents go ahead and buy me this abomination. Thinking harder I couldn’t seem to place ever watching the movie itself however, which makes me more scared about how this cunt was showing up in my subconscious. They chased with long slender stretching fingers. Dark shadows glitching toward me with wide wide eyes set on my soul. Man, fuck mcdonalds. All the happy meals in the world won’t make up for this.

  15. Chris Bellon May 4, 2014 at 10:02 am #

    Mac and Me is the best movie made severe since the year 1988!!

  16. woofus November 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm #

    I wanted to have sex with it. Oh this is giving me such a woody, Come on Mac, make your “O” face.

  17. Cory December 20, 2015 at 12:38 am #

    this person is a total idiot!

  18. Ago March 24, 2016 at 12:43 pm #

    Well, I still remember this horrible movie but the worst part of Mac and Me, imho, is the end, that’s the oath of allegiance of the alien family in front of the US president…

  19. Drewseph September 7, 2016 at 10:56 pm #

    Ruined your life? You know movies aren’t real life, right? Also, there has been spin off’s since before you were born. This one in particular was a well done spin off. Drama queen much?

  20. Drewseph September 7, 2016 at 11:08 pm #

    Also, how dumb do you have to be to not notice product placement in just about every movie? I hope you also realize companies pay big money to get their product displayed right? McDonald’s was one of the biggest corporations at the time, of course their going to want in. Your comparisons are invalid, also. Spoofs are made because they were given an idea and they can pretty much do what they want. This movie is a classic in many homes and you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. This is by far one of the worst reviews I’ve ever seen, because your reasoning is that of a high schooler. It traumatized you?? Are you kidding me?

  21. Jes November 23, 2016 at 2:15 am #

    I love these comments. They dont get it at all. This movie is a nightmare. Its so bad! And this blog post is feckin hilarious!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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