Nerd Love, or, How I met my boyfriend online.

Let me spin you a yarn, kids. Back in 2003, oh so long ago, I lived in the Bronx. Those were dark days. I spent most of my time at my workstudy job in a computer lab in the math building, or in my dorm room listening to The Cure and watching Edward Scissorhands and other Tim Burton movies. Long story short: I was bored, lonely, and looking for a community to join.

Shortly after I got my second tattoo, I googled the word “tattoo.” (I’m creative!) I don’t quite remember what I was trying to find, probably pictures of other people’s tattoos, but here’s what I found: IAM. It’s a pay-for-use journal community kind of similar to Livejournal, except the community is bound by their love for tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications. Huzzah! I found my niche!

I quickly whipped out my debit card, and paid $10 for six months of IAM access. I then began creating my first IAM profile under the name “revolutionaerie.” It was a mess of red and black stars, Courier New, and phrases like, “peace, love, and rock n’ roll.” Ew.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the dude I’m in love with joined IAM the day before me. It almost makes me believe in fate. And it definitely makes me believe in the Midwest.

The first thing I said to Chad (in his profile’s discussion forum) was:

“Hey man, you seem pretty cool.”

Smooth.

Over the next few months, we started talking more and more on the site, then we moved to AIM, then we moved to the phone. The day of our first phone call, I almost barfed from nerves. What if he didn’t sound like I thought he would? What if we had nothing to say to each other? Plus, I hate talking on the phone. What if I got weird?

I shouldn’t have worried. We talked for four hours that first time.

When spring came, we were pretty smitten, or to use a phrase he used in April, “ohsoverysmitten.” I had decided to transfer to the University of Vermont, so come May, I would be moving northward. He lived in Iowa, he’s from Iowa, so it didn’t really matter where I was moving. Chad made a reservation on a Greyhound bus so he could come visit me. He was slated to arrive on my birthday around noon.

Most of my friends were pretty creeped out by the whole situation. They weren’t sure I was using my  best judgment. Looking back, it was a pretty ballsy move to say, “Hey dude I’ve never met, come stay with me in Vermont for two weeks.” I’ll chalk it up to the fact that I was 18 when this was in the planning stages.

My birthday is toward the end of June, and that month and a half was the longest month and a half that has ever existed. I was super excited, because I wanted to actually meet him, but I was also really nervous. What if we didn’t get along in person, or if it was awkward?

Fast forward to June 24, the day before my birthday. I called him around the time he was supposed to be leaving. There was a lot of background noise, and he told me it was just people getting on the bus. I did not envy him for spending 24 hours on a freaking Greyhound bus, but I did appreciate his dedication. If you’ve never spent a lot of time on a bus like that, it’s pretty  much Hell on wheels.

That night, I took a shower, putzed around the house, and then sat down to watch some Family Guy. It was around midnight. Happy birthday to me, I thought. I get to meet Chad in twelve hours. Then my cell phone rang. It was Chad. I thought it was super sweet of him to call me and wish me a happy birthday at midnight, and I was really happy to talk to him. I noticed some headlights in my driveway, and mentioned them to him offhand, as in, “Ugh, someone is parked in my driveway with their headlights on, that’s annoying.” Then he said the magic words I will never forget.

“Come outside.”

“What?” I said. “Why?” I’m kind of slow sometimes. When I figured it out, I threw my cell phone on the couch, ran to the door, and whipped it open. Standing there, in the glow of the headlights, was Chad Lee Ferguson, aka “Fergy” on IAM. He raised his eyebrows and said, “Oi,” while he adjusted his hat. (This is quintessentially Chad-like.) I, on the other hand, was not as collected. I screamed, “HOLY S***!” at the top of my lungs and practically tackled him. After a minute of suffocating him, I realized we weren’t alone. My friend Derek, who is also on IAM, and lives in Burlington, was standing back in the shadows. Chad had contacted him a few months before and had asked for a ride from the Greyhound station to my house. Apparently everyone on IAM knew that he was going to get to my house twelve hours early, except for me. It was the most amazing thing ever.

That visit was weird, because we were getting to know each other even though we already knew each other. Although I knew what his favorite color was (blue), and what his voice sounded like at 3am when he bought pizza at a gas station (pretty adorable), I didn’t know what it was like to be with him. It was like meeting a rock star you think you know everything about, and realizing he’s more complicated than just a voice on a record.

I think this is sometime in 2004.

For a year, I lived in Vermont and Chad lived in Iowa. That was a hard year. I went to Iowa a few times, he came to Vermont a few times. Halfway through my first semester at the University of Vermont, I applied to the University of Iowa for the next fall. I was accepted. In May 2005, I drove from Burlington, Vermont, to Iowa City, Iowa, in my 1994 Ford Taurus GL. It was another weird transition, going from long-distance to living together, and it wasn’t easy. We grew up in really different households, and our ideas of “normal” don’t always mesh.

But back to the cute and mushy stuff. It is now February 2010. Chad and I have known each other since October 2003, and have been dating since May 20, 2004. We’ve been living together for almost five years. He’s on my car insurance! We just bought an area rug! This is serious stuff, guys. You know you are in a rad relationship when your boyfriend calls you “girlbutt” and you call him “beanface.”

Oh, and importantly: my parents love Chad. Love, love, love. When I told my mom on the phone that he was coming to Vermont to visit me, she didn’t freak out. (Thanks, mom! That was awesome of you.) She said something along the lines of, “I can tell he makes you happy. You sound happy. That’s what’s important.” And I’m pretty sure Chad’s family likes me too, but I’m permanently paranoid that they don’t. I think this is a universal girlfriend worry.

If you had told me in the fall of my freshman year of college that I would meet a dude online, from Iowa, of all places, and move to the Midwest less than two years later, I think I would have laughed in your face. Things happen. I had no intent of meeting anyone romantically when I joined IAM. I didn’t really consider myself “tech-savvy” or a geek, although now I do.

Chad and I at a friend's wedding last summer.

The important thing to remember about love (and life) is that you can only control so much. You can control what websites you visit, you can control who you talk to online, you can control where you live, but you cannot, absolutely cannot, control who your heart is going to choose. Let it happen.

Life is really weird. Don’t shut yourself off from opportunities just because you’re afraid of what other people will think. Take a chance.