I’d like to think that I am pretty musically rounded. I enjoy anything from classic rock to jazz, and what the hell, why don’t you throw in some Lady Gaga and Huey Lewis and the News while you’re at it? Maybe sprinkle in some Ween for added flavor. It’s all gravy!
However, there is one musical act that I am not truly proud to love: Kenny Loggins. I mean… why? WHY?
Seriously. I am asking you why, because I just don’t know.
I blame Pandora and its ESP-like powers. I had originally made a radio station based on the musical achievements of Hall and Oates (and there are many – look it up). Soon enough, Kenny Loggins’ “This Is It” showed up on my computer screen.
My headphones pumped the oozing goodness of soft rock through my ear canal. In my brain, I could almost feel it burning.
But this feeling, much like the topical heat rub Icy Hot®, eased into my pores and soothed me. Loggins’ silky vocals, along with… holy carp, is that Michael McDonald in the background? The hit maker and soothsayer of The Doobie Brothers?
My head almost exploded from vocal ecstasy. Michael McDonald is (secretly) one of my (secret) favorite artists, and I couldn’t believe that Mr. McDonald, the man with the most kick ass white beard in the world – aside from Santa Claus – would sing back-up for Loggins. Surely, this was a miracle… just like Loggins when says in “This Is It,” where he proclaims “For once in your life, here’s your miracle / Stand up and fight / This is it.”
This IS it, Kenny. Bravo indeed.
I decided to look into this fast-consuming infatuation more, and looked on YouTube for Kenny Loggins videos. There were many, including one
with Loggins’ album cover for 1979′s “Keep the Fire.” Loggins, with full beard action (what is it with me
and beards?), shimmering white robe, holding some kind of glowing orb. Who do you know who had a beard, illustrious hair, a knowing expression and a robe?
He looks familiar...
JESUS. He looks… like Jesus. Is it a coincidence? Have you been reading?
I looked into it more on YouTube and found another Loggins hit, “Heart To Heart” and holy hell, this one had an actual music video.
Loggins, beard and all, is apparently having some kind of flashback to childhood… which sort of looks like the old farm from “The Wizard of Oz.” I could care less about the dumb little kid in the video and his stupid teddy bear, but my heart skipped a beat when Loggins was back on the screen, trying to sketch something, adorned with a breathtaking striped sweater and jean collar. A part of me hoped that the kid in the music video gets crushed by Dorothy’s flying house. Also, the kid had really long girly eyelashes and that made me concerned.
Before I can wish any more ill feelings on the stupid kid, Loggins starts to sing to the camera and my soul falls to pieces. “Can we go on together, now that we’ve grown apart?” Loggins excitedly squeals in his size 30 jeans. If there is a God, Kenny, we can go on together. And we WILL.
As I pursuing the interwebs for more Loggins knowledge, I found out that my majestic bearded angel also sung the song “Danger Zone” for the popular 80s film “Top Gun,” starring Tom Cruise and Val “The Iceman” Kilmer.
On a side note, what the hell is “Val” short for? Valiant? Valronikus? Valarie?
Anyway, I realized through my research that Loggins also sung “Footloose,” which is the theme from the movie of the same name. What the heck? Where the hell have I been and why didn’t I know this years ago? I was ashamed in taking Kenny for granted. I thought he was a one-trick pony when I was young and stupid and didn’t know any better. Now, I realize that he shaped the entire decade of the 80s with his full beard and melodious voice box.
You know what? I take it all back. I am proud – no, HONORED – to enjoy the soulful sounds of Mr. Kenneth Clark Loggins.
