Today, I had to go to a high school to visit their school library for one of my classes. I took off my jacket, hung it up on the chair, and turned around to see the librarian looking at my left arm. “You’ve got some tattoos there!” she said, not unkindly. “Sure do!” I replied. And that was that.
However, it was the second conversation I had about my tattoos today, within a half hour of each other. The first one was while I was waiting in line to pay for my tasty lunch. I noticed someone standing next to me, looked over, and said, “Hello!” The server said, “Oh hey! Just looking.” It wasn’t mean, it wasn’t unkind, but still, it’s annoying.
My name is Amanda and I have quite a few visible tattoos.
This is me.
That’s me on New Year’s Eve. As you can kind of see, my left arm is pretty well-covered by tattoos. Otherwise, I think I look pretty “vanilla.” Or as someone said to me once, “You look really conservative and then you take off your hoodie and it’s like BAM!”
I can understand the fascination some people have with tattoos. They are pretty sometimes. They are badass sometimes. And sometimes, they are terrible. But what I don’t understand is the social idiocy that happens next.
I get touched. Or grabbed. Or stroked. By a total stranger. These people think that just because I have pretty decorations that they can handle me like a thing. It really, really sucks.
A few years ago, I worked at a coffee shop in Iowa City. Iowa City, for those who’ve never been there, is a really liberal, awesome place, which makes this anecdote even more depressing. I was ringing up a customer when she grabbed my left arm, twisted my wrist, and said, “What’s this?” She obviously meant my hand-with-wings that’s on my forearm. I responded, “My arm. Please give it back.” She looked like I had just slapped her.
Some people think that tattooed people should “get over it” and deal with the fact that you will get grabbed, fondled, touched, etc., because spectators separate you from your tattoos. These people think, “She should understand, she’s inviting people to investigate her body with their eyes, so why don’t I investigate it with my hands?” Here’s my comeback to that: I did not get tattooed for you. I did not get tattooed so you can look at it. That just happens to be a side effect. I got tattooed, and will continue to get tattooed, because it makes me feel more like “me.” Tattoos are beautiful, in my opinion, but they aren’t the kind of beauty that involves cosmetics. They are beauty that’s there when you look your worst. When I’m barfing from the flu or sweaty from working out, they’re still there, even though my makeup might not be. They are permanent. It’s comforting to look at my arm and think to myself, “My arm might be wrinkled in sixty years, but I will still have this tattoo.” I really like commitment.
I really appreciate it when someone asks to see my tattoos. I will say, “Sure,” and hold out my arm so you can see, but hey guys, that’s not an invitation to grab me. Unless I say, “It’s cool to touch,” it’s not.
Every time I bring this up with people, they say, “Oh, just wait until you’re pregnant. Then people never stop touching your belly.” Oh hell no, they will not. Because the first time someone does, I will go off on them. My reputation as a heinous belly bitch will spread far and wide. I can dream, right? And yes, I know that getting tattooed is a choice, so I should stop getting upset about it, but just because I paid to look like this doesn’t mean you get to make me feel like a thing.
Anyway, here are some questions that tattooed people get asked almost every single day, with my personal answers.
1) Did that hurt?
Yes. It’s needles. Needles hurt. Some places hurt more than others. For me, getting tattooed on a fattier area hurts more than tattooing on muscle. Well, not more, but it’s more unpleasant.
2) What are you going to do when you are 80?
Be an old lady? I don’t understand this question. I will be 80 and have tattoos.
3) What do your parents think?
My dad isn’t too keen on tattoos, but my mom has one (a little giraffe). My mom actually loves my cat/books/tea tattoo because it’s based on my childhood pet, Misty.
Misty.
4) Where do you get tattooed?
Well, unfortunately for you Wisconsinites, nowhere in Wisconsin so far. (So far!) I’ve been tattooed in New Jersey, New York City, Vermont, and Iowa. Two artists I highly recommend are Seth Wood (cat/books/tea piece) and Cool-Aid (my beehive piece). They are both super nice and amazing. Oh, last I knew, they were both vegan, so bring them vegan treats when you go. I always bring my artists cookies or something, in addition to tipping them.
Bees. (It's not blurry or shiny in person, I promise.)
5) How are you going to get a job?
By hoping it’s not a modeling contest. Realistically, I can cover all my tattoos (except the one on the back of my neck) by wearing a cardigan and jeans, which is what I wear all the time anyway. I do have stretched ears, but I have pretty plugs that look like regular earrings. Most public libraries don’t have strict “dress codes,” so I’m not that concerned. Also, I want to work with teens who are usually really cool about stuff like that. I’m far beyond the point of no return, so I might as well get tattooed ’til the cows come home.
Just one more point and then I’ll go away. When I look in the mirror, I don’t even really see my tattoos. I just see me. When I look at pictures of myself from before I had tattoos, I see huge gaps of shockingly blank skin. It doesn’t feel right. My boyfriend has even more tattoos than I do, and I don’t even really see his tattoos. Tattooed people aren’t attention-seeking, we are self-seeking.
I love the photos! As I haven’t actually seen you in the flesh, this is the closest I have gotten, and your artwork is beautiful. I’ll be sure to grab your arm when I see you again.
You know what also works if you want to be touched in ways you don’t like by friends, co-workers, and complete strangers? A cleanly shaved head.
Back when I used to shave it clean instead of just clipping it as short as possible without shaving it clean, everyone wanted to run their hand over it.
Not cool at all, especially when said person comes up and does it with no warning from behind, when you are sitting in a chair, drinking a cup of coffee.
dude you are awesome, i love this article! my tattoos make me feel beautiful too, sometimes i get frustrated when people don’t understand that.
God forbid, you get touched by another human. Whats the big deal about getting touched? Human contact has already been so minimized, why not let someone appreciate you.
People are fascinated by tattoos and, they dont have experience with them or, they fantasize about having them. Thats the attraction. I get bumped on the subway, pushed in lines, rubbed walking down the street. People ask me for the time all the time, directions, and tons of other conversations. If i decided to flip out every time someone approached me, Id be exhausted. Stop being such a hater. Tattoos draw attention and thats something YOU have to deal with. I would love people coming up and talking to me, about me, my cat, or anything else that would allow me to make contact with another soul. I understand your desire for “respect” in being touched. No one wants to be touched excessively by strangers but you are going to have to be the one to get over it because the masses are not the brightest people so, you have to exist in their world. Its the same for beautiful people. They get approached all the time. But I doubt they would want to trade the attention and all it brings, then be ugly. Same with your tattoos. Stop being so negative and enjoy interacting with another soul. You should be grateful anyone talks to you at all.
Great piece, and your tats are gorgeous! I never realized tattoos enticed people to touch, I mean, there is nothing to feel, so why be all grabby about it? Good to know though, as I’m considering my first “visible” tat before summer.
And as for the post above, there is a HUGE difference between being touched and having a stranger grab at you without any respect for boundaries. Like Amanda said, if they ask, that is different, but being pregnant, getting tattooed, or any other change of body does not give people the right to touch whenever they want and without permission.
@Mordoria As the commenter above me pointed out, there is a huge difference between a simple touch on the shoulder to get your attention and someone grabbing your arm and twisting it so they can see your tattoo. How comfortable would you feel if someone walked up behind you and said “COOL TATTOO!” and starting pulled up your shirt sleeve with no warning? I imagine most people would not feel comfortable with that. There is a huge difference between interacting and communicating with other people and violating them. If the next time I walked up to a woman and yelled “NICE BOOBS!” and started touching them, I imagine I would end up in jail or at least with a black eye. Not a whole lot of difference there in my opinion, as tattoos are a part of someones body and you have no right to touch/grab/pull at someone just because you like it.
If you like a tattoo and you want to see it ..ask!
I randomly stumbled upon your blog while surfing the web and I was really stoked and amazed to see that you have also been tattooed by Cool-Aid, as in Scott Irwin and Hart & Huntington? I just got inked by him last week! Such a small world if it’s the same guy!
jaimielee521@yahoo.com ^
In fact, (sorry to blog-spam) I remember seeing the beehive tattoo in his portfolio and commenting how much I like it so it must be the same guy.
Yep, same Cool-Aid! He worked at Pink Elephant in Des Moines when I got tattooed by him!
I have the majority of my tattoos on my back, hidden away for just me and that someone special. But occasionally I will wear a shirt that is low enough on the neckline where they peek out and people are constantly peeking down my shirt and asking ‘what is that?’ Eek!
It sucks people touch you, but your tattoos are hideous and the limited tattoo ink palette results something awful and garish. It’s your body to ruin, but ruined it you have.
Aww, thanks! It’s always nice to learn things about oneself.
(I know, I know, don’t feed the trolls. Well, eat this, troll.)
Got another for you on being randomly touched – Dreads![Don't mind friends and relatives, co-workers if they ASK - maybe, but STRANGERS - aw hell no!] Why do I want you hands in my hair – Where have they been? I’m not your pet. And YES I do actually feel that, lady behind me, it IS actually connected to my body…
Amanda, Steve, and Bejewelle, can I add kinky-curly hair to the list? I worked at the same job for 8 years with chemically relaxed straight hair until I decided to grow it out and I never would have imagined so many people would just feel so inclined to walk right up on me and pluck at my hair. (“Wow! It’s so springy!”) That hasn’t happened to me since high school when everyone assumed if your hair was past your shoulders than it must be a weave. More evidence that some people don’t mature, they just grow old.
The thing is I like when people touch my hair and feel all the different textures going on in there, and I can completely understand why people feel compelled to touch something that’s different and/or beautiful, but seriously, where is the impulse control? Can you just ask first???
Great post. And your artwork is beautiful, especially Misty in with the books.
great article
I don’t know where the h*ll you come from but I have never seen anybody with tats get randomly fondled or “touched” by strangers AND I’M FROM NYC. I think you just needed something to write about.
This touchiness must be a midwest thing…lol. I must agree with Brooklyn without all the “hate”, as I am from the east coast and have never witnessed that. I think people over here know better than touching somebody randomly for fear of “getting knocked the f**k out”, but I think your tats are gorgeous and I loved your response to arparp. I have a small tattoo that i got for my husband on my lower back and I sometimes get a “whaddya have back there??” but that’s about it.