TWFH: Ben Franklin Loves Cougars

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Yeah, that’s a picture of the animal cougar…We try to keep it PG here, sickos.

Benjamin Franklin was a freak. Not only did he make his son William hold the kite during his famous lightning experiment (thus electrocuting him), but he also had sex with many many women (mainly French which is just weird). Franklin did not hide this aspect of his life. He actually openly embraced it. Poor Richard would write to his friends telling them about the wonders of sexing up cougars from Bon Jovi concerts. All Jovi aside, there is an actual letter written by Franklin to a younger acquaintance on where to find a cougar, how to bag one of these exotic beauties, and some tips in the sack. I’ll choose some excerpts to share:

“Because when Women cease to be handsome, the study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Dimunition of Beauty by the Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.”

In other words, older woman know what they are doing…

“Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.”

Save money. Older woman=claim independence over the British and condoms

“…An old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.”

Hey man, they are clean! Or, at least I hope so…

“Because in every animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: the Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an Old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.”

They are cool with the ye olde paper baggin.

“They are so grateful!!”

Now, that’s just gross…

For the full letter, read it here:

http://www.constitution.org/primarysources/mistress.html