TWFH: Historical Animals

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

TWFH: Historical Animals

One topic we tend to overlook in history is animals. There are plenty of crazy stories involving mine seeking chipmunks and Rambo monkeys with machine guns, but a select few stand out. I have compiled a list of animals that pretty much define history. Hats off to these:

5) We Want You, Monkeys!- A baboon named Jackie was promoted to the rank of Corporal in the South African Army in World War I. He even earned a medal! Baboons got bling. Jackie was a superior soldier, especially for “lighting cigarettes and saluting.” During an engagement with the Turks, Jackie “could be seen trying to build a fortress of stones round himself for protection.  He never finished it – suddenly a shell exploded close by and a chunk of shrapnel hit him in the right leg, partly severing it.” Don’t worry this B.A monkey lived. I salute you, little wall building baboon soldier.

4) Catharine the Great and the Horse- No she didn’t sex a horse and die by being crushed by it. But it still deserves to be on this list because it’s a hilarious rumor that many people still believe. Who made the rumor? The French. Bloody frogs.

3) Caligua’s Horse for Senate- This horse puts Mr. Ed to shame. His name was Incitatus and he was the favored horse of Roman emperor Caligua, the dude who is famous for being absolutely completely insane and committing several accounts of incest- ew. Think Gary Busy on another level. Well, Caligua loved Incitatus so much that he made him a citizen of Rome and a member of the Roman senate. Many historians argue Caligua did this not because of his sanity (or lack thereof), but to piss of the Senate. Either way, well planned Caligua. Horses need representation. The picture on the left is from the movie Caligua. Just don’t watch that movie. But, don’t take my word for it- bada da.

2) Polish Bear Soldiers – Yes, they exsisted. Apparently, the Polish being the innovators of the screen door for the submarine made their own division in the military called The Wojtek, which means, “he (bear) enjoys war.” The Polish II Corps actually trained bears to fight and move munitions. During the Battle of Monte Cassino in World War II, they actually played an important role. You have got to check out the flag for the Wojtek, it’s breathtaking. Imagine Whinnie the Poo with a shotgun. Oh, and what did they feed the bear? Milk out of a vodka bottle of course.

1) Andrew Jackson’s Parrot- The parrot’s name was Poll and like Old Hickory, he was a mean ruthless a-hole. Poll used to volley out obscenities like it was his job, because probably it was being Andrew Jackson’s parrot. Who taught the parrot these words? Oh comeon now… The best part of this story is the parrot was thrown out of Jackson’s funeral service for cursing too much. I think Jackson would have been proud.

Honorable Mention

Air Bud- It’s my list, back off.