How much do I love the Final Fantasy franchise? Enough to tattoo an icon from the series on my body. But believe it or not I actually got involved with these games out of boredom. I really never thought they would appeal to me. RPG’s seemed boring and repetitive – point, select, fight repeat. But after giving them a chance I was quickly hooked. So that’s what inspired me to put together a little primer – an A to Z compilation of some of the most important components in the series. Take this as an introduction to the RPG institution if you’re not already familiar with the series, and a stroll down memory lane if you’re a Final Fantasy veteran. (Be aware there are some spoilers ahead.)

How did I put this list together? Well, it was a stringent scientific process where I sat down, jotted down a bunch of Final Fantasy stuff and then whittled it down to the top three under each letter. I tried to choose things that encompassed more than one game, and when I couldn’t, I just picked my favorite stuff or what I thought was most important. Yeah, it really wasn’t scientific at all. I’m a total liar. Just enjoy the primer. I’ve broken it up into 3 parts so I don’t overwhelm you with too much Final Fantasy awesomeness.

A is for…

All aboard to the end boss!

Airship: What do the Highwind, Ragnarok, Hilda Garde I, Enterprise, Falcon, Lunar Whale and Strahl have in common? …Besides being kind of awesome band names. They’re all airships that have appeared in Final Fantasy games. In pretty much every title you work your way up to an airship that allows you to easily travel around the world and attend to your world saving duties. The best ones can land anywhere – some can even be hopped on through save points. You acquire them in various ways: simply finding them, borrowing them from an ally, and…occasionally you might have to steal it or rescue one from space. Pretty standard stuff. Finally getting your hands on an airship is a big deal – no more plodding around from one location to the next, fighting randomly encountered squirrels which are deceivingly powerful. Getting an airship is like a Final Fantasy rite of passage in every game. They let you easily zip around wherever you want to go in the entire world. All those side quests with the scary monsters to fight are now within your grasp…if you dare.

A is also for….

"I forsee myself kicking ass."with its giant feet.

You wouldn't imagine anything holy coming outta this thing.

Alexander – the gigantic machine-like summon that lays down a holy smack down.

And probably crushes stuff with its giant feet.

Auron – the grizzled, sword wielding guardian who always has a word of wisdom in Final Fantasy X.

B is for…

"I eat enemy faces for breakfast, with a side of orange juice."

Bahamut: Sometimes he comes in different varieties, like “neo” or “zero”, but mostly he’s just the intimidating dragon summon and/or boss that’s appeared in almost every Final Fantasy game. Sometimes he just up and joins you, sometimes he makes you play a trivia game because he’s been stuck in the cave watching too much Jeopardy lately, and sometimes he battles you to test your worth. That’s because Bahamut takes his services seriously – he knows he’s awesome, and he’s just not going to work for just any loser who stumbles upon his cave – and he doesn’t care if you were just looking for a quiet place to use the restroom. His non-elemental attack, Mega Flare, deals a lot of damage and you never have to worry if the baddie is gonna absorb it, or be immune to it, or laugh in your face in the midst of it. You can always count on the king of the dragons to swoop in and deal some serious damage. His motto? Bahamut – kills stuff dead.

B is also for…

You can't poison anyone in any normal sport. Not legally.

"Greedo didn't shoot first."

Balthier – the loveable and suave sky pirate who charms everyone who plays XII, all while drawing more than afew comparisons to Han Solo.

Blizball – the very popular (and seemingly only) sport in X that is played underwater. Somehow the players don’t require any kind of breathing device and can practice by simply tossing a ball around on a beach. Oh, and getting poisoned during a game is commonplace. Still sounds better than soccer.

C is for…

Ass kicker and tea connoisseur.

Cid – If someone asks you who your favorite Final Fantasy character is, you’re totally safe if you just answer Cid. There’s been a Cid in every single Final Fantasy game in some capacity. Sometimes he’s playable, other times he’s just trying to help you from the sidelines, and other times he just wants you dead – not all Cids can be perfect, I guess. Here’s a Cid crash course – memorize this list and you can impress plenty of people, like…uh…okay, no one. You don’t need to memorize anything when you can access Wikipedia from your phone.

• Cid (FFI) – Consistently referred to without ever bothering to show up. Just like your friend’s new girlfriend.
• Cid (FII) – Basically runs a taxi service. Somebody has to cart your party around.
• Cid Haze (FIII) – Airship creator extraordinaire.
• Cid Pollendina (FIV) – Another airship related Cid – this one is the airship designer for the Red Wings and he’s also the first Cid who is playable at all, although only for a little while.
• Cid Previa (FFV) – Multifunctional scientist who gives you answers about everything from airships to crystals to what those two chocobos are doing if they’re not fighting.  He’s often assisted by his grandson named Mid. What kind of horrible naming tradition do they have going on in that family?
• Cid Del Norte Marquez (FFVI), Inventor of Magitek armor. Oh, and you can kill him by not feeding him enough yummy fish. Dude demands high quality sushi.
• Cid Highwind (FFVII) – The only fully playable Cid, and probably the most well known and popular. Cid is a pilot who was supposed to go into space before his friend/maid/girlfriend/verbal punching bag Shera screwed up. He also enjoys a spot of tea.
• Cid Kramer (VIII) – Quite possibly the worst Cid ever. The headmaster of Garden, when he’s not complaining or hiding he’s putting some rookie student in charge of everything. Because that’s what a responsible school official should do in times of crisis.
• Regent Cid Fabool IX (IX) This leader of Lindblum spends most of the game as an oglop and later a frog after committing some martial indiscretions.  He also gives you airships, so he’s continuing that tradition.
• Cid (X) The fully competent and never transfigured leader of the Al Bhed, he’s also Rikku’s dad. And he shows up in an airship.
• Dr. Cidolfus Demen Bunansa (XII) – Researcher, rich guy, and – spoiler alert – Balthier’s estranged dad. Oh, and he’s a villain. And you kick his ass.
• Cid Raines (XIII) – General and quite possibly the youngest Cid ever.

What can we look forward to in future Cid’s? I’d put my money on something involving airships.

C is also for…

Screw this. Let's just make it into jewelry.

Aw, they're cute when you're not forced to breed them.

Chocobos – These large birds come in black, red, green, blue, gold or standard yellow. They race, dive, fly, run over mountains and rivers, dig for treasure, eat grass, mate, enjoy special nuts, hang out in forests, dodge birds, and cry out kweh! These sometimes loved and sometimes loathed creatures are a staple of the Final Fantasy universe.

Crystals – So many of the early Final Fantasy games have plots that revolve around crystals (often named after elements) that I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the stories were chosen by reaching into a hat filled with ideas of various stuff that could happen to crystals. Stolen, broken, exploded – enough! They’re pretty but they are not an endless source of entertainment. Thank goodness they finally moved on.

D is for…

Princess Machete would have been more bad ass.

Dagger – And I don’t mean the weapon – I mean the Princess formerly known as Garnet from IX who takes the name of Zidane’s weapon on as her alias. She even uses one to chop all her hair off. Good thing Zidane’s wasn’t carrying a musket. Because that would have made an unfortunate nickname. And it’s definitely useless for dramatically cutting your hair while standing in the wind.

D is also for…

Too bad there isn't a stop for the hospital.

Don't worry, in this game death isn't forever. Most of the time.

Death – I’m talking about the spell here, not all the characters who’ve kicked the bucket. It’s a standard spell in the Final Fantasy repertoire – especially the infamous LVL 5 Death. Either you’re laughing ‘cause it’s harmless to your party, or you’re screaming in agony because every single member of your party has a level that’s a multiple of 5 and it’s game over.

Deling City – The capital of the evil Galbadia from VII, it’s best known for the series of buses that take you around the city – from the shopping arcade to the hotel and even General Caraway’s house. What you say? It’s not normal for a military leader’s house to be easily accessible via public transportation? Well, how else are the hookers gonna get there?

E is for…

"I hurt everybody, stupid!"

Espers or summons, GFs, eidolons – whatever the game feels like calling them. I’m talking about your summoned monsters here, the pals you call in to do battle for you when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed or need some extra firepower. They’re only actually referred to as Espers in VI (where you can find one called Crusader that hurts the enemy AND you. Not a popular choice…) and XII (where they were sadly kind of a pain to use and I only summoned them the one time the game made me) but a summon by any other name is a still a badass looking monster/sexy goddess/robot/other assorted creature that shows up when, uh, summoned, to lay the smack down. My favorite summons? Well, you can’t discount trusty old Bahamut, who I gushed about above. And of course there’s the infamous Knights of the Round, which is well worth the chocobo breeding hell you must endure to acquire it. Also, any time a giant cactus wants to show up and toss a bunch of needles in my enemy’s face I’m fine with that too.

E is also for…

Turbo means it's better.

Also enjoys throwing herself parades.

Edea –The evil sorceress turned reformed orphanage matron from Final Fantasy VIII. How the hell did Cid Kramer nail this awesome lady down? Also, why does she never change out of her sorceress outfit after changing her ways?

Ether – You’re ready to heal up your party with a nice refreshing round of curaga, only to discover you used up the last of your MP summoning Ifrit. What’s a mage to do? Why you down a trusty bottle of ether, of course, and get that MP count back up. You might wanna use it sparingly though, because it’s not easy to get in every game.

F is for…

Looks a little too much like Edward from FF VI.

Faris – You want cross dressing? Final Fantasy V’s got you covered. Faris is a girl posing as a boy. And a pirate. You’re not kept in the dark about her true gender for too long, which has to make main character Bartz feel a little more comfortable about his sexuality considering how quick he is to lust after her. But if you think the surprises with Faris end with the whole male-pirate-is-actually-a-woman stuff, think again. She’s definitely the most interesting character in the game and it doesn’t hurt that she kicks ass.

F is also for…

This is gonna end in pain.

"You kids shut up or I'll turn this castle around!"

Figaro Castle – Anywhere Edgar from Final Fantasy VI reigns as king is automatically awesome, but the fact that it can bury itself underground makes it one of the coolest castles ever.

Flare – This high level spell might look like it’s fire based, but it’s actually non-elemental. Take that red dragons breathing fire in my face!

G is for…

Nobody at my school had a gunblade.

Garden – With three convenient locations in Balamb, Trabia and Galbadia, Garden is the place to get trained to become a sorceress fighting mercenary. In Final Fantasy VIII all the main characters have something to do with Garden, whether they’re students, teachers or mercenary hiring resistance groups. And while it might just seem like just another school with a cafeteria that’s consistently out of hot dogs, how many schools do you know that can turn into a boat? Less than five, I bet.

G is also for…

Ugh, who invited Gilgamesh!?

Unfortunately, he probably smells.

Gau – When you’re desperate for team members, you’ll take any weirdo that wanders out of the woods. Guess that explains Gau, a wild boy you basically bribe with food to join your party. Sure, he’s not the most eloquent speaker, but he’s still endearing. Plus he can learn enemy skills.

Gligamesh – This sword enthusiast keeps popping up in the series, often to be annoying. He appears as Exdeath’s persistent flunky in FFV, even though the guy treats him like crap. In VIII he shows up to replace Odin, and he’s a pretty poor replacement if you ask me. Instead of having a summon randomly show up to kill everything, you get one that randomly shows and maybe might kill everything if he feels like it. XII is by far the worst encounter, as you traipse after him through the dangerous mines in order to fulfill a quest and strip him of every last piece of his awesome Genji armor. Plus his dog likes to bite you, and who knows if his shots are up to date.

H is for…

A face not even a mother could love.

Hojo – Are you grossed out just by the mere mention of that name? You should be. Hojo is a character in Final Fantasy VII, where he serves as Shinra’s head of science research and development. So he’s the resident mad scientist basically. Emphasis on the word mad. And he’s not nice to look at either. Without spoiling massive amounts of the game (How have you not played this yet? Go play right now. I’ll wait. I’m not doing anything for the next 60ish hours anyway.) Hojo is in some way responsible for most of the bad things that happen to the characters in the game, either indirectly or by literally screwing with their DNA and/or affixing a claw where a perfectly good arm was. He’s not racking up too many fan club members is what I’m trying to say. I don’t think anyone approaches the end of this game going, “Oh man, I hope I don’t have to fight that cutie scientist guy! He’s a sweetie!” Heck no. More like, “I can’t wait to beat the crap out of his already revolting face.”

H is also for…

Oh, how this spell would be abused if it were real.

No, it does not make you high.

Hi-potion – A health potion that restores more than a potion. That’s why it’s a “hi” potion. Not because it’s greeting you. The boost you get from it varies from game to game, but usually it’s around 500 HP.

Haste – A spell that makes everybody speed up and attack faster so you can beat the crap out of the baddie before he even knows what hit him.

Coming up! More spells and summons and places and stuff!