In this special Fourth of July episode, Nevin and Brandon recount what Paul Revere actually did on the night that started the Revolutionary War. Not only do they disprove some common misconceptions, but also address the recent truthiness of Sarah Palin.

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New episodes every fortnight on http://www.blip.tv/LaughingHistorically

In this episode, Brandon and Nevin tackle the history of probably the most confusing Holiday ever conceived, Easter. How did bunnies, eggs, and peeps end up being involved with the holiest day in the Christian Calendar?

Like us on Facebook.com/LaughingHistorically and for more episodes: http://www.laughinghistorically.tv/

First, the picture above is the best thing I have ever seen. I couldn’t stop laughing for a good three minutes. Anyway, after much research I can confirm and proudly state Easter is the weirdest holiday. Everyone thinks Christmas is due to the odd rituals, but trust me Easter takes the peeps. First and foremost, all Christians know Easter as the day Jesus died. That is, however, completely incorrect. Most historians and Easterologists (no that profession doesn’t exist) concur there is no exact date, but rather just days. Think of Rebecca Black’s instant classic Friday. To which Friday does she refer? No one knows…Like Jesus’ death. Yep, I just make a comparison between Jesus’ death and Rebecca Black. I’m awesome.

So, lets go over what makes Easter super duper freaky.

The Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ

Let’s be straight about this. Easter is a holiday that celebrates the zombification (an actual term) of Jesus Christ. First he is dead and then he is alive. Regardless of Divine Intervention, the dude came back from being stone cold dead. If I were the Romans, I would have peed my pants when I saw that…BRAINS and HOSTS!

The Easter Bunny Is Just Disgusting

Like Christmas, Catholics believed the best way to spread Christianity is by embracing some of the native customs of the Pagans in Europe. Hence, why we put lights and balls on a pine tree in the winter. Weird. But the Pagans were polytheistic and believed come spring they need to honor the goddess Eostre and this chick loved bunnies, a lot. Why you ask? Well, because bunnies are fertile and love reproduction. So, the Easter Bunny comes to our house to give us chocolate, which is an aphrodisiac,…Remember the Easter Bunny from Bill and Teds? Yeah, that’s an accurate portrayal. Hide yo kidz and hide yo wife, cause the Easter Bunny is comin’

Eggs?

As expected, eggs are not a Christian tradition. They are actually an Egyptian and Phoenician symbol and belief the world was sprung from a gigantic egg. Therefore, eggs are recognized as the birth of life. How this connects with Christianity? I understand Christ was born again, but people tend to neglect the fact that most importantly, he died first. Based upon this logic, I believe we should honor Easter not by dying eggs, but celebrating it in a Halloween style holiday. Just imagine going to Church as a Sexy Nurse. I think this would end well…

Random Fact: Edward I of England showed an expenditure of eighteen pence for 450 eggs to be gold-leafed and colored for Easter gifts. Edward was probably on a strict egg protein diet to become jacked like the Situation.

]]> http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/04/twfh-dont-eat-those-easter-bunnies/feed/ 0 http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/03/laughing-historically-04-how-animals-saved-the-world/ http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/03/laughing-historically-04-how-animals-saved-the-world/#comments Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:02:53 +0000 Brandon http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/?p=9431

In this episode, Brandon and Nevin discuss animals who have valiantly served their countries throughout history, drinking and smoking their way into legend. Its history, but funny.

Watch this week’s EXTRA episode… Top Secret CIA Spy Cats

For the original post this episode was based on, click here.

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In this extra from Episode 04, Brandon and Nevin discuss the top secret CIA experiments to turn cats into spies.

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Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Here in the US of A, baseball is apart of our history. Some sports historians even go far enough to say baseball got us out of the Great Depression here in the States (pardon my European tone of voice). So, using my logic, if baseball got us out of the Great Depression that makes Babe Ruth the New Deal? Forget jobs FDR! Ruth hit dingers! Here are the six best Babe Ruth stories to celebrate the MLB starting up this week (apologies to Canada):

5) Homers? I also Pitch!- Originally, Babe Ruth was a pitcher. While playing for the Red Sox, Ruth supposedly helped pitch a no-hitter. Apparently, he walked the Senators first batter and began to shout profanity at the umpire. The umpire, Brick Owens, told him to listen to some Dave Matthews and eat some hotdogs. Ruth did not want to hear it and continued to yell. Long story short, he was ejected. But, Babe did not stop there. He charged Owens, swung at him, and had to be led off the field by a policeman. Another pitcher, Ernie Shore, came in to replace Ruth. Shore then struck out the next 26 batters. To this day, the Major League Baseball Association does not recognize this as a no-hitter. Why? Because you don’t mess with Babe Ruth and his hotdogs. Almost as good as Clemens trying to kill Piazza (picture on left).

4) Any Tips?- A reporter asked Ruth, “How is it that you always come through in the clutch? How can you come up to bat in the bottom of the ninth, in a key game with the score tied, with thousands of fans screaming in the stadium, with millions listening on the radio, the entire game on the line and deliver the game winning hit?” His reply was, “I just keep my eye on the ball.” Genius.

4) Stealing Second- One time Jon Goodman, I mean Babe Ruth, stole second…with the bases loaded. Who cares if there are base runners, I saved the economy baby!

3) Cigars- Ruth once smuggled a girl into his room after hours. Back then, teams made players sleep together. Ruth’s roommate, Ernie Shore, woke up the next morning after a horrible sleep (I wonder why) and saw six cigar butts on the floor of the hotel. Shore immediately asked Ruth why they were on the ground and he replied, “I like a cigar every time I finish.”

2) Contract Negotiations- In the middle of the Great Depression, Ruth was asked to take a pay cut. You would think this is understandable, but apparently Ruth could not give up his boozing and cigar smoking to help his team out. His contact was set at $80,000. Many managers would say to him, “That’s more money than Hoover got for being president!” Ruth would reply, “I know, but I had a better year!”

1) White Sox Party- The White Sox hated Babe Ruth. Simply because the man did whatever he wanted and still hit a ton of homeruns. So, being the schemer Shoeless Joe Jackson was (as exemplified in the Kevin Costner cinematic classic Field of Dreams), the White Sox took Babe out for a binger the night before a game, all on them. Ruth drank his weight and put the Sox under the table. Jackson believed there was no way Ruth would make it to the game the next day. Only a few minutes before his at bat, Ruth shows up and slams a homerun on the first pitch. While rounding the bases, Ruth said, “What are you fellas’ doing tonight?”

Honorable Mention- Just google Doc Ellis. I love baseball.

In this episode, Nevin and Brandon discuss the romantic exploits of Benjamin Franklin, inventor of bifocals, the american postal system, the Franklin stove, and father of electricity and America.

This episode was based upon this post from Nevin, inspired by this post on the dating blog The Date Report.

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

TWFH: Historical Animals

One topic we tend to overlook in history is animals. There are plenty of crazy stories involving mine seeking chipmunks and Rambo monkeys with machine guns, but a select few stand out. I have compiled a list of animals that pretty much define history. Hats off to these:

5) We Want You, Monkeys!- A baboon named Jackie was promoted to the rank of Corporal in the South African Army in World War I. He even earned a medal! Baboons got bling. Jackie was a superior soldier, especially for “lighting cigarettes and saluting.” During an engagement with the Turks, Jackie “could be seen trying to build a fortress of stones round himself for protection.  He never finished it – suddenly a shell exploded close by and a chunk of shrapnel hit him in the right leg, partly severing it.” Don’t worry this B.A monkey lived. I salute you, little wall building baboon soldier.

4) Catharine the Great and the Horse- No she didn’t sex a horse and die by being crushed by it. But it still deserves to be on this list because it’s a hilarious rumor that many people still believe. Who made the rumor? The French. Bloody frogs.

3) Caligua’s Horse for Senate- This horse puts Mr. Ed to shame. His name was Incitatus and he was the favored horse of Roman emperor Caligua, the dude who is famous for being absolutely completely insane and committing several accounts of incest- ew. Think Gary Busy on another level. Well, Caligua loved Incitatus so much that he made him a citizen of Rome and a member of the Roman senate. Many historians argue Caligua did this not because of his sanity (or lack thereof), but to piss of the Senate. Either way, well planned Caligua. Horses need representation. The picture on the left is from the movie Caligua. Just don’t watch that movie. But, don’t take my word for it- bada da.

2) Polish Bear Soldiers – Yes, they exsisted. Apparently, the Polish being the innovators of the screen door for the submarine made their own division in the military called The Wojtek, which means, “he (bear) enjoys war.” The Polish II Corps actually trained bears to fight and move munitions. During the Battle of Monte Cassino in World War II, they actually played an important role. You have got to check out the flag for the Wojtek, it’s breathtaking. Imagine Whinnie the Poo with a shotgun. Oh, and what did they feed the bear? Milk out of a vodka bottle of course.

1) Andrew Jackson’s Parrot- The parrot’s name was Poll and like Old Hickory, he was a mean ruthless a-hole. Poll used to volley out obscenities like it was his job, because probably it was being Andrew Jackson’s parrot. Who taught the parrot these words? Oh comeon now… The best part of this story is the parrot was thrown out of Jackson’s funeral service for cursing too much. I think Jackson would have been proud.

Honorable Mention

Air Bud- It’s my list, back off.

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Yeah, that’s a picture of the animal cougar…We try to keep it PG here, sickos.

Benjamin Franklin was a freak. Not only did he make his son William hold the kite during his famous lightning experiment (thus electrocuting him), but he also had sex with many many women (mainly French which is just weird). Franklin did not hide this aspect of his life. He actually openly embraced it. Poor Richard would write to his friends telling them about the wonders of sexing up cougars from Bon Jovi concerts. All Jovi aside, there is an actual letter written by Franklin to a younger acquaintance on where to find a cougar, how to bag one of these exotic beauties, and some tips in the sack. I’ll choose some excerpts to share:

“Because when Women cease to be handsome, the study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Dimunition of Beauty by the Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.”

In other words, older woman know what they are doing…

“Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.”

Save money. Older woman=claim independence over the British and condoms

“…An old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.”

Hey man, they are clean! Or, at least I hope so…

“Because in every animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: the Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an Old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.”

They are cool with the ye olde paper baggin.

“They are so grateful!!”

Now, that’s just gross…

For the full letter, read it here:

http://www.constitution.org/primarysources/mistress.html

In this episode, based on this post from Nevin, we discuss how drinking is at the backbone of American history. For a full account of the pre-constitutional convention blowout, read “Were the Founding Fathers Alcoholics?“

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Adolf Frederick Needs Some Tums

History is full of amazing stories of promiscuity, drunkenness, and of course weird deaths sometimes associated with the former and latter. From the rumored Catharine the Great getting jiggy wit it with her horse until she died of exhaustion to Grigori Rasputin handling more shots than 50 Cent, famous people tend to go out rather oddly. Apparently, Adolf Frederick tops them all though.

Adolf Fredrick served as the King of Sweden in the 18^th century around the time of the America Revolutionary War. However, you never hear or learn about the Swedish during this time because high school history teachers think the Swedish aren’t important. I disagree. IKEA is an amazing store. Anyway, Adolf Frederick, aside from being a fine entrepreneur in making snuff boxes (like the ones used for cocaine), died by eating too much. Apparently, when he wasn’t shooting up snowballs, he was eating. He ate so much one day that his body could not digest it all and his stomach collapse thus killing him. Kobayashi ain’t got anything on this dude. Frederick allegedly consumed a meal(s) of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers, and tons of champagne. However, he did not stop there. He then ate 14 servings of semla, which is a Danish pastry, while guzzling down several pints of warm milk. Medically speaking, Frederick died of surfeit, but we commonly refer to it as Fat Bastard Syndrome. There should be a Man v. Food for this…

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

America Loves Booze

Shopping malls, football, television, pop music, and of course BOOZE. When Copland wrote Simple Gifts, he was probably referring to the things formerly listed. All music aside, Americans love our alcohol and that’s why almost all the Founding Father’s owned breweries and distilleries. Fun facts: George Washington was the largest whiskey distiller in the entire country and a challenger to global distribution. John Adams even dabbled in kegs and eggs in his day. As published in History of Norfolk County, Massachusetts (Norfolk was where John Adams lived for most of his life), “To the end of John Adams’ life, a large tankard of hard cider was his morning draught before breakfast.”Another fantastic boozing story is when the Founding Fathers decided to get shitfaced before they signed the Constitution.

An article in the Hufftington Post, which is devoted to questioning the alcoholism of our country said, “In 1787, two days before they signed off on the Constitution, the 55 delegates to the Constitutional Convention partied at a tavern. According to the bill preserved from the evening, they drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 60 bottles of claret, eight of whiskey, 22 of porter, eight of hard cider, 12 of beer and seven bowls of alcoholic punch.” If you do the math, each delegate threw back two bottles of wine, three or four shots (probably Yeager bombs since we all know Jefferson blew that shit out), and a lot of beer (8-10 pints).  With that being said, if Benjamin Franklin were alive he would scoff at Four Loko.

Want one more? The Star Spangled Banner is actually the melody of an old sobriety test drinking song in England. The name of the song is To Anacreon in Heaven. According to sources, Englishmen would song the ridiculously hard song to prove to their buddies they weren’t drunk at the pub. If they sang it perfectly, they were good for another two, three, four, or ten beers. Good job Francis Scott Key. Ya drunk. Listen to the song here:  Bangled Banner Star (definitely how it was originally pronounced after a few).

For more information on boozing, the Founding Fathers, or how to raise your tolerance, check out this article:

Were the Founding Fathers Alcoholics?

SnorgTees.com

ThinkGeek.com

Shirt.Woot.com

Threadless.com

ThinkGeek.com (kid’s tee)

In the first video episode of Laughing Historically, on the week of his birth, Nevin and Brandon explain how Edgar Allan Poe was discharged from the military and booted from West Point, subsequently landing his first book deal. This. Happened.

Aaron Hertzog is a comedian based out of Philadelphia, where he started performing stand-up in 2006. Since then, he has developed a reputation as one of the best comedians in the city, making last year’s list of Ten Best Comedians in Philadelphia, according to Comedy.com.

He was also second runner-up in Helium Comedy Club’s 2010 Philly’s Phunniest Person Competition, beating out over 150 other competitors. He is a regular host at Helium and he often performs at other comedy clubs and alt rooms throughout the region, including hosting his own show Hey Everybody! at Philly Improv Theater. A writer, his work has been featured in local publications as well as on humor megasite CollegeHumor.com. He also co-hosts a NBA basketball comedy podcast, the Holding Court Podcast.

With his stand-up Aaron invites you in, sharing his unique and geeky perspective on pop culture as well as a constant self-deprecation, examining how he constantly makes the wrong decisions in his personal life. All of this is sprinkled with jovial invitations of friendships, absurd flights of fantasy, and singing. Lots of singing.

Why did you get into comedy?
I got into comedy after a pretty much lifelong love of it. I used to watch Comedy Central constantly – from stand up specials to old episodes of SNL – plus I always loved writing and performing. Fellow Philly comic Pat House and I met in college, and he started performing stand-up about two years before me. After tagging along with him and bugging him about it for a while, he finally got me to go up on stage, and I haven’t stopped since.

Who are your influences? / Who is your favorite comedian?
My favorite comedians right now are Paul F. Tompkins, Bill Burr, Louis CK – the three of them are all just really killing it right now – creating tons of new, great material constantly. I find that inspiring to watch people create new material and develop and hone their voice and also watch their voice evolve.

Where do you perform, and what has been your favorite venue to perform in?
I perform primarily in the Philadelphia area – although I’m trying to expand on that and get on more shows in New York (and anywhere, really.) I host shows at Helium Comedy Club in Philly and that is always a great experience, you get to work with national headliners and watching them is always a great learning experience. At the end of every week at Helium I always feel like I learned something new, or have taken another step in developing as a comedian. I also love performing in small theaters with really intimate crowds. “Alternative” venues can be great, they can create a tight environment where everybody feels connected and I’ve had some of my best sets in that kind of environment.

Do you have any advice for aspiring comedians who have yet to get up on stage?
Get on stage. Simple as that. I waited around thinking about starting comedy before I finally did it and when I finally went up I caught the bug. You’ll know once you start if it’s something you should be doing, you’ll feel it. Don’t wait until you think you’re “ready” – because you’ll never be – you’ll waste time waiting for the “perfect” opportunity that will never come. Also, write everything down – some things you may not think can turn into material can be great material. Study what you like about other comedians, and why you like it – think about that and apply it to your own experiences and observations to develop what you want your act to become.

Do you have anything you want to promote / Any gigs coming up?
I run a show twice a month (last and first Thursday) at the Philly Improv Theater. It’s a stand-up showcase where I host, and I have sets from 5 comedians. I really like when people come to it. Also, I do a weekly podcast that you can check out at www.theholdingcourtpodcast.com. You can check out my schedule and see other dumb stuff that I do at www.aaronhertzog.com

Follow Aaron on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/aaronhertzog

http://www.brendankennedycomedy.com

Why did you get into comedy?

To distract people while my friend goes through the audience and picks their pockets.

Who are your influences? / Who is your favorite comedian?

The Dead Kennedys, David Cross, Zach Galifianakis, Louis C.K., Doug Stanhope

Where do you perform, and what has been your favorite venue to perform in?

A lot of bar gigs, very small theaters, indie rock venues, and sometimes comedy clubs. My favorite venues to perform in are the ones where the audience comes specifically to see the comics that are performing, so not bars.

What is the worst joke you ever tried in front of an audience?

Probably something about the holocaust. A lot of white males try holocaust jokes when we first start doing stand-up, because on the whole we are shitty people, mine was something about “Kristall-nacht-nacht”

Do you have any advice for aspiring comedians who have yet to get up on stage?

Just go up there. Obviously have a plan first, but once you get one of those, just go up there. There’s no good reason that you shouldn’t.

Do you have anything you want to promote / Any gigs coming up?

The first Wednesday of every month I have a show with the Philly Improv Theater at 8pm. It’s called guilty pleasures. I’ve been doing it for two years and I’m still not sold on the name, but the show is good. We take awful scripts, poems, memos, emails, anything poorly written really, and we act it out onstage and make fun of it. It’s only 10 bucks, and its BYOB and everyone always has a great time. www.phillyimprovtheater.com for details and tickets. Come for the BYOB, and stay for Roger C. Snair.

You can follow Brendan on twitter here: www.twitter.com/brendankennedy

Rob DeSantis is a Philadelphia Comedian and Writer.  You can follow Rob on twitter here: www.twitter.com/robdcomedy

JOHN ENTERED THE STAND UP COMEDY ARENA WHILE ATTENDING TEMPLE UNIVERSITY. HIS HUMOR STYLE CAN BEST BE DESCRIBED AS TAKING AN ORDINARY SITUATION AND CREATING A TWISTED VIEW ON IT, (MUCH LIKE A PARTY CLOWN MAKING BALLOON ANIMALS). HE HAS WORKED WITH MANY NATIONAL COMEDIANS AND WHEN MOST WERE ASKED TO DESCRIBE JOHN KENSIL THE USUAL REPLY WAS- ” JOHN KENSIL? DIDN’T HE PARK MY CAR?”

From http://www.johnkensil.com/

Why did you get into comedy?

I fell in love with comedy as a kid watching the stooges. Warner brothers cartoons, Monty Python and Steve Martin on SNL and SCTV. I started going to comedy clubs as soon as I could.

Where do you perform, and what has been your favorite venue to perform in?

I perform mostly in the tri state area ( which I believe the east coast has more work) I like a nice hip club like Helium in Philly and the best for comedy is a theatre like UCB in LA.

Who are your influences? / Who is your favorite comedian?

My influences? Steve martin, Woody Allen. Bob Hope. My Favorite comedian is 2 comedians Steve Martin and Rodney Dangerfield. I also dig Bill Hicks for social commentary.

What is the worst joke you ever tried in front of an audience?

My worst joke I ever did? Something about where does imported ham come from? France? Do they wear little berets? Smoke cigarettes in their little hooves going ” Le Oink” or Boston Chickens sound like JFK going “Er Ah Cluck” ( I was big on animal accents).

Do you have any advice for aspiring comedians who have yet to get up on stage?

My advice to young comics? Write everything down, make it conversational. Cut the fat out, Bill Hicks said if you think what you wrote isn’t funny find out about the topic and make it interesting then say it funny.

Do you have anything you want to promote / Any gigs coming up?

I am a Wisecrackers in Scranton this weekend and I can’t wait to do Luke Giordiano’s Bully Pulpit Jan 26 at the Shubin theater.

Follow John on Twitter at www.twitter.com/johnkensil

Rob DeSantis is a Philadelphia Comedian and writer.  Follow him on twitter at www.twitter.com/RobDComedy

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

John Quincy Adams and the Crab People

History is full of amazing and intelligent people; one of those men is John Quincy Adams. Most famously noted for passionately supporting the separation of church and state, restructuring American infrastructure through domestic building projects and high tariffs, and of course telling Europe and the rest of the world to f off using the Monroe Doctrine. However, lets be honest here…the man was a little batty. You know that when Sir Anthony Hopkins has to play you in a movie.

Anyway, during Adams’ time as president, several theories were proposed regarding what lay at the center of the world (hence the later publication of the famous Journey to the Center of the Earth). One of the theorists was John Cleves Symmes, Jr. and as predicted he was from New Jersey. Regardless, Symmes founded and proposed the Hollow Earth Theory. According to him, the Earth was not only hollow, but also had caves of under water, land, and life. More specifically, he believed there were mole and/or crab people down there. Now, Adams being the political genius he was, believed Symmes. Not only that, but he thought by voyaging down there we could trade with the mole and/or crab people. Seriously folks…I can’t make this shit up.

From Memoirs of John Quincy Adams, John Quincy Adams, Vol. 7 p.168-170.

“Mr. Reynolds is a man who has been lecturing about the country in support of Captain John Cleve Symme’s theory that the earth is a hollow sphere, open at the Poles. His lectures are said to have been well attended, and much approved as exhibitions of genius and science. But the theory itself has been so much ridiculed, and is in truth so visionary, that Reynolds has now varied his purpose to the proposition of fitting out a voyage of circumnavigation to the Southern Ocean. He has obtained numerous signatures…It will, however, have no support in Congress. That day will come, but not yet, nor in my time. May it be my fortune and my praise to accelerate its approach!”

For more information on Crab people, the Hollowed Earth Theory, and John Quincy Adams, check out these links:

http://olivercowdery.com/texts/1818symm.htm

http://www.unexplainedstuff.com/Places-of-Mystery-and-Power/Hollow-Earth.html

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Andrew Jackson v. A Witch

The title alone should cause some eyebrows to raise and question ones sanity. However, according to President Andrew Jackson, not only did he meet a witch, she was quite the word that rhymes with witch and starts with a ‘b.’ But, this was not an event that haunted Jackson. He actually loved it and said the Bell Witch was the only person he considered more badass than himself.

“In 1819 General Jackson confronted an original American haunting, the Bell Witch in Robertson, Tennessee. He had beaten the British army in New Orleans, and with all the arrogance and swagger he could muster, he had no doubt that he could also conquer a rather silly witch.

Jackson and a group of his friends, including one who called himself a “witch killer,” took off on horseback with a wagon to visit the Bell plantation. In route, the wagon seized up and refused to move once they were on Bell land. The horses couldn’t move it and the men put their shoulders to the task and it still would not budge. This irritated Jackson. He alternately cursed, whipped and coaxed the horses until he wore himself out with the effort and the wagon still had not moved. Finally he stood there in the road, tired and frustrated, looking at the wagon and said, “By the eternal, boys. This must be the Bell Witch’s doings.” Almost immediately a harsh female voice rang out from the surrounding woods, “You’re right, Gen’rl. Move on out of here and I’ll see you later on tonight at the house.” The horses gave it one more pull and the wagon lurched and moved forward.

It was a quiet dinner at the Bell cabin and afterward Jackson took his pipe and lounged in front of the fire with his traveling companions and the Bell family. When Jackson inquired of John Bell as to why the witch was so quiet this evening, the self-proclaimed “witch killer” jumped up and announced that he had a pistol with a silver bullet in it and that Kate (the witch) was probably keeping a low profile because she was afraid of him. Immediately the witch killer started screaming and jerking as if he was being stuck by red hot pins. Then an invisible entity screamed and laughed while it kicked him in the butt. The self-proclaimed “witch killer” landed on the floor where Kate continued to kick him until the man was entirely out of the cabin and laying out in the yard. Jackson then rolled on the ground in laughter and said, “I would rather fight the British than the Bell witch.” Although he wanted to stay the night, his men refused.”

For more on the Bell witch and other famous supernatural encounters, check out these websites and book:

http://www.horrormasters.com/Text/a0167.pdf

http://www.bellwitch.org/

http://www.amazon.com/Bell-Witch-American-Haunting/dp/031226292

Super Ernie-O

TeeFury.com

Poked to Death

RiptApparel.com

Tweety

BustedTees.com

Booty

Threadless.com

Mark Twain

HirsuteHistory.com

Want more T-Shirt Addict? Now you can get your shirts on with FULL COMMENTARY! Head on over to Wired GeekDad for the expanded version of this column.

]]> http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/01/t-shirt-addict-vol-19/feed/ 0 http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/01/twfh-mr-lincoln-you-ugly/ http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/2011/01/twfh-mr-lincoln-you-ugly/#comments Sun, 02 Jan 2011 05:48:16 +0000 Nevin http://www.themoderndaypirates.com/pirates/?p=8502 This Week’s Funny History

Throughout my studies and research, I have come across many unusual and unique historical stories and anecdotes. Every week I will post one of these with a brief introduction and explanation. I hope you enjoy these because some of this stuff is too good to be true.

Mr. Lincoln, You Ugly.

One of the most lighthearted men in history is definitely Abraham Lincoln, at least when it came to his physical appearance. According to Samuel Haycraft, an acquaintance and friend of Abraham Lincoln, Lincoln shared stories about his travels and dealings with people throughout his adolescence and adult years as a logger, lawyer, and politician. Although it is likely some of these stories are exaggerated or fabrications, they truly show Lincoln’s sense of humor. One of my favorites is this one:

One day, Lincoln was splitting rails with his shirt open when a man came up and pointed a gun at him. Lincoln hurriedly said, “What do you mean by this?” The man replied, “I promised to shoot the first man who was uglier than myself!” Looking at the man’s face, Lincoln said, “If I am uglier than you, then shoot me.”

For more funny history about Lincoln, check out this site:

http://www.physical-lincoln.com/appearance.html

Jeremy Kalgreen is the artist behind several great online t-shirt stores, all maintained under the Amorphia family of shops.  He’s been in the business for four years now, and his ventures include:

• Science! - Faux-sarcastic nerd loving science wear.
• Teach the Controversy – Intelligently designed shirts urging you to teach both sides of every story
• Sir Critter – Classic up nature by putting animals in hats
• Hirsute History – Shirts featuring the hair of famous people
• Amorphia Apparel – The fun shop that started it all.  A dumping ground for wacky ideas from Jeremy’s head that don’t fit into any of his specialized stores.

Part of the beauty of these shops is that they leverage Spreadshirt.com as their back end.  With that system, you have the option to choose a number of colors, styles, and variant designs (text or no text?) for every shirt available.  This also means that while Jeremy has to give them a cut, he has to spend almost no time printing the shirts himself or doing billing and shipping work, which leaves more time for designing great shirts!

During the month of December, the Amorphia shops have started a design-a-thon, where a new shirt will be revealed every day for 25 days.  We’re on day 19, and can’t wait to see the grand finale, but let’s take a look at the best from each shop so far:

Amorphia Apparel – Ghosts Cant’ Resist a Pottery Wheel

Hirsute History -Freddy Mercury

Sir Critter – Sir Otter

Teach the Controversy – Reincarnation

Unfortunately, there haven’t been any new shirts in the Science! shop, but here’s one of my favorite just do give you a taste of what to expect there:  Robot